Audio – To be Alive

Korean girl groups aren’t really something I listen to, but this was one of the videos I was shown by someone and I’m fairly sure this was the group performing in my dream, hence why one of the people I was with was so eager to dance.

Yep, you guessed it; I’m STILL having dreams influenced by the festival I went to at the start of this year.

I live a fairly uninteresting life, so you have to give me at least that a festival like that would be the highlight of my year. This year I didn’t go to so many live shows at that festival, but I do remember seeing a really great live band with a friend and dancing until late-ish (my flight home was the following morning, so only around 1:30am). It always feels great to cut loose and just dance until your body can’t take it any more, even if you know you’ll be paying for it for the next week.

Sorry if this seemed kind of snippy. There were other parts of the dream I eventually decided to cut, and it’s fairly late right now, so maybe I’m a bit tired. I don’t write as much as I used to…shame :( I still do have a lot of ideas. I guess I’m going to spend every May from here on wishing I could do Story A Day, but not doing it. Life gets tougher.

I guess I still seem kinda snippy in this post? Sorry, sorry. I can’t help it. I guess I’ll end it here then. Goodnight!

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So I haven’t been updating a lot recently, and I’ve explained why. I’m still preparing for Christmas, and I’m increasingly sure that I’ve somehow managed to spend hundreds on Christmas. Well, I have been going all-out this year.

So I do frequently say that I don’t fully buy into interpretations of dream meaning, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t at least get a little curious from time to time, and I do notice patterns too.

I can’t help but notice that I have been dreaming a lot about snow recently. Mostly it’s soft, quiet falling snow during one of my good days in winter, or waking up to see snow settled outside on my hometown for the first time in years. Every time I have these dreams, I feel the same excitement every time I see that layer of snow anywhere, be the field in my old school, the grass outside my home, or even a place I’ve visited or seen once or twice, like seeing the Reflecting Pool frozen over or a small river in Italy. It’s generally the same feeling; a happy, content feeling, the sort I remember for years afterwards. My love of these sorts of scenes seems to border or even reside in “childlike”, and it doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon. We don’t see snow a lot where I live, and the last time I remember snow settling here is somewhere in 2011, though when I talk about snow to other people it’s always the heavy snowfall of February 2009. (But enough of that. I always end up talking about that when I approach the subject. Though as I said, I don’t get much snow around here.)

Out of sheer curiosity from the volume of snow dreams I’ve been having, I decided to go search up what the meaning of it could be, mostly to see if the sites on the results had made up meanings based on crude literal interpretations of the many properties of snow or if there was a common interpretation among them. I’m still very sceptical of these kinds of things, as I’ve said so many times, but surprisingly, there did seem to be a common interpretation along the lines of purity, new beginnings, tranquillity and clarity.

Which, to be fair, does fit loosely. Somewhere during the summer, my outlook on life changed for the better. I’m not sure what caused it, but I’m a lot happier now, even if I’m also a lot busier. I’m living a fairly calm and peaceful life, so I guess it fits? Though it didn’t actually happen until mid to late August, and searching through my dreamlogs, I’ve been having these dreams a little before that. So that leaves me with four options: 1) My outlook been gradually changing over all that time, and those dreams were at least a little bit influenced. 2) The dreams were completely unrelated initially, but the change in my life brought them back. 3) I guess I just really like snow and wish it would snow again here. 4) They’re completely unrelated. It’s just one of those phases my dreams are going through.

Those are the main four options I can think of, anyway. It doesn’t really matter which one of those is true, if it’s even any one of them. Even with that said, these dreams only make me want snow over here even more, and it might well be feeding into a cycle of desire for snow -> dream of snow -> desire -> dream, and now that Christmas is coming up fast, I doubt it’s going to let up any time soon.

Realistically? I’m not getting my hopes up for snow and I’m not sure when I’m going to see it again, if ever. It helped a little seeing it in Toronto on a layover to the USA last year, but I very much doubt I’ll be seeing Canada again. But anyway, I’m fine getting by without any magical Christmas day snow or quiet Sundays walking across snowy fields, and I’ll forget about it in time. But even in the waking world I guess I just want to live peacefully, and snow fits that vision perfectly. (Narrowly avoided saying “I just want to live quietly”. Those of you who understand why, nice. Those who didn’t, never mind, it’s not that important. I think I just wanted to get the whole “frequent snow dreams” thing off my chest.)

I’ve been dreaming of snow very often recently…

Sorry…

I don’t think I’m able to continue Story A Day. I’m having a lot of trouble fitting it into the day, especially considering that I’m usually not free to write anything until 5pm, 6pm. It’s become somewhat of a burden to me and while I could force myself to write every day, that’s unnecessary stress, not to mention that the lower quality wouldn’t really help my writing much either (no matter how much improvement my writing may need). People often say to write every day even if it becomes painful, but writing is not my main area of expertise, and I can’t really afford to take on any more fatigue seeing how tired I already am. I’m not yet ready to suffer for my writing. You might think of me as not being committed, and maybe that’s so (I feel terrible for not seeing this through to the end). I’m more than willing to endure pain for some things. But I’m not willing to do that at this point in time.

To sum up: I’m simply too fatigued and too busy to continue Story A Day. Sorry for that.

I found a cool thing: GeoGuessr.

I found something online called GeoGuessr. It’s something that places you at a random point in the world on Google Maps, and you have to guess where in the world you are. It really requires you to think: What could be in the USA could also be in Canada, and dirt roads could be anywhere. As a British person, I am at a disadvantage, but it’s still good. My best strategy is to look for a sign and look at the location or the language. I got within 17km of a street in Latvia this way.

It’s also good if you just want to wander about on Google Maps. I remember on my old blog I explored Shibuya and wrote something based on it. Often, I end up on a countryside road or a motorway road; that doesn’t really offer much information. So, the best thing to do is keep going until you hit the motorway.

There’s more than just the world; you can also explore cities and counties, though I’d imagine that’d be a little harder.

In short, even if Google Maps works just as well, it’s a fun little tool that could just as well be used for writing, something that engages the brain a bit more. (It is for me, at least.)

A Pointless Aside

So, I did say I’ve been writing to keep sane. I’m coming up with nothing tonight though, hence why I’m just typing this now. It’s a shame because I could really do with some sanity tonight. Some real stuff going down tonight as well as tomorrow. Not as much as you’d think it is, but still. It’s a shame I’m not doing Write Yourself Alive though. It cost a fair bit of money to join, so I decided against it. I also wish I had 750 Words but I’d have to pay for that, too. Story A Day MIGHT be on in September. Hopefully it’ll be on then. I’m kind of wondering whether it’s time to step up and take a shot at at least something small like a short book or something. That’s probably just late night overambitiousness (?) though. I very much doubt my writing is good enough to be in print form yet, and plus, I’d have to have people read it and give feedback. I don’t really have anybody to do that. Sometimes when I’m at conventions I see all the stalls and think to myself “I wish I could have a stall somewhere in the future.” In this day and age though, I don’t think I could for all sorts of reasons. But it would still be nice to have anything released. I’d like to get somewhere. But then again, maybe that’s just late night overambitiousness.

So, I’ve supposedly been resting since Story A Day. Juggling Story A Day, Comic-Con preparation as well as life in general (trying new things as usual) has strengthened me quite a bit. That’s physically, mentally and emotionally, three aspects I thought would be weakened by the whole ordeal. I was expecting to be posting this kind of thing somewhere in July, but I suppose it won’t make much difference.

Since then, I’ve constantly had a faint urge to write. Not strong enough to stop what I’m doing and go write something or spend ages trying to think of something to write, but it’s there. I suppose Story A Day has done well in its aims. Most days I find myself brainstorming stories or thinking about things I’ve already written, or even whether I remembered enough of last night’s dream to write it down on this blog. I like to believe my writing has improved greatly during May as well.

I’ve also been thinking about changing the blog a bit. Main things would be adding a header, changing the blog name and perhaps the URL, and possibly changing the theme. And actually getting an avatar, though I have no idea how to go about that one. I’m reluctant to change the name for any confusion it may generate and I’m reluctant to change the theme because I’ve grown very attached to the Dusk to Dawn theme. (It ties in very well with the theme of the blog, it allows me to do a lot with features such as headers and menus, and I just think it looks really pretty.)

Fairly early on during Story A Day, I stopped myself from seeing all notifications and any notification emails from WordPress were marked as read and redirected to another folder. I have already said that it was because otherwise I would be too self-conscious about my writing (think of it as me putting a blindfold over my eyes and just writing.)
That, I can understand. Even with that said, I realise (?) I don’t have to be afraid. I can only go so far by myself, I suppose.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’d like more feedback although I’m not sure if I’d really get any, so I’ll admit to being nervous on that count. Regardless, I’ll continue writing as normal. (I only have sporadic internet access now, though. Oh dear.)

In August I’m going to see if I can do Write Yourself Alive. I’d actually looked for writing challenges to do in June but found nothing. I’m considering Camp NaNoWriMo¬†although I doubt I’ll actually do it. We’ll see, I guess. It would limit my options for non-writing things, though…

WELL. I guess the only way is forward now. (And I hope I haven’t left any errors or sentences I don’t want in this.)

Update, I guess…?

And one final update…

Huh, wow. How many posts is this today?! Nearly as many as the amount of posts I’d make in a day at the very beginning of this blog.

So I’ve done Story A Day and stopped myself from seeing all notifications. That for sure has helped my writing. But my work is nearly done and the whirlwind of activity that has been my life is finally slowing down, so I finally have a chance to rest in what seems like forever. Unless a memorable dream comes along, I think I’ll rest for now, take a break from this for a bit. I wonder who else was doing Story A Day, though…?

I have said this before but I guess I wanted to put in in bite-sized form. I guess I’ll be back when I’ve recovered.